broken, you're all broken

My mother is a saint. Seriously. A saint. She has two wild child daughters with a love of vodka and make up who probably confuse her at every turn. But she takes her vow to always be open to talk to us about ANYTHING very seriously. Getting sappy for a minute, my mom is my best friend. She is also my favorite person to shock (no I have not grown out of that)

On my nights off I like to go over and sit in her room and talk to her, last night, I had all kinds of news for her. I had just finished talking to my cousin T, about a weird as fuck dude who was all about her. Turns out, weird as fuck dude, was all about ME about a year ago and sent me, the ONLY unsolicited dick pic, I have ever received, to date. It went well for him, I only laughed and showed it to an online group of 4000 women, and a dozen or so of my friends, before eventually sending it to my cousin, so she could send it to him. (judge me if you must, but unless I asked to see your dick, I will put that shit on blast, if I asked, I will hold it sacredly in my phone forever and only for my own personal use, that is my moral code, deal with it).

Here is were it got good:

"HE SENT YOU A PICTURE OF HIS PENIS?"
uh yes.
*at this point my father pops in and says, "are you telling her about randy?"
yes.
"YOU KNEW THIS?"
yeah, sure she hung him out to dry, it was a pretty big joke for a while. He's a loser, even I made fun of him.

She sits quietly for a moment and then looks at me, and says: I want to see it.
After collecting my eyeballs and jaw from the floor, I hand her the phone and she says: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? THAT IS ONE SKINNY PENIS AND HE IS WEARING A COWBOY HAT? Why is he leaning forward like that? it looks like he is trying to hold in a poop while he takes pictures of his dick? What is WRONG with him? Why would he ever think a woman would want to see this? Instead of taking a girl to dinner he sends you a naked picture of himself looking like he has diarrhea. Your generation is broken. BROKEN.

I left while she was asking my father if he knew "dick pics" were a "thing".