dear fair weather asshole....

You know the ones I mean, we have all met them, whether in dating or relationships, or friendships and family members, nothing is more infuriating than the fair weather assholes.
Not sure what I mean? Here is how to tell if you might be dealing with or might be one yourself:

1. Any initiation on your part is met with vague non answers, wanna hang out? Maybe. Wanna hook up this week? We'll see. Interested in seeing this show with me? I'm not sure

2. texts, calls, emails, facebook messages go unanswered for days, weeks, or months, and I don't mean a person going through things or with a generally busy life, because these same fair weather assholes will have a mini stroke if their messages go unanswered in a timely (or immediate) fashion, it is only THEY who can "answer texts whenever they feel like" because "its rude to expect an immediate answer".

3. Following the need for an immediate answer, the fair weather asshole will be genuinely upset, to the point of anger, if their request for attention (usually last minute or minimum of a day in advance) are not met. You MUST rearrange your schedule for them, immediately, or you don't care.

4. They will cancel, but forget to tell you, either until you contact them or at the very last possible moment, after you have already showered. The excuse will be standard, sickness, work, etc. It will usually be used multiple times by the same fair weather asshole, as though you are brainless and you don't remember that they also claimed a stomach bug last time too (girl, that's not healthy, get that shit looked at before you shit yourself).

5. When they can fit you into their very special lives, they will slather you with compliments, about how wonderful you are, to keep you coming back, I think? Or maybe its just because they are so used to bullshitting they can't actually have a normal conversation. Don't attempt anything deeper with the fair weather asshole, they only want to share THEIR emotions, yours will be scoffed at and dismissed.

I genuinely used to think I was the only person who knew people like this, turns out, I'm not, and despite my blunt nature, I hate ending any kind of relationship, friends or more, as much as anyone else does. But, and I say this especially to the ladies, because I think we are more likely to take these things personally, its not you, its them, and your time, life, and attention are worth more than any fair weather douchbags who can't respect them,

Consider this my farewell, assholes, my time is too valuable for friends or lovers who can't be bothered to respect my time. Au revoir mother fuckers!

To my grandmother

To my grandmother,

It has been two weeks, three days, and seven hours since you left.
It has been two weeks, four days, and 18 hours since you whispered "love you" to me last.
In that two weeks I have learned my first hard lesson in grief. In these weeks and days I have learned what it is to exist in a world without the woman who held my peaceful place, my home in her heart and her smile and her endless and unconditional devotion.
I know it was time to say goodbye, and I won't lie, my first feeling was one of relief that you were no longer suffering, because I thought to see you in pain was the worst possible feeling in the world, I told myself, that you were already gone in so many ways that I was prepared for the loss.
I was wrong.
Even when you could no longer tell us all the things you wanted to say, you showed us, you laughed with us, you lit up with visible joy when we visited, you were still trying to feed me, even when you couldn't walk without assistance, you were still trying to care for US when it was our time to care for you. You were still very much here, until the very end, even if your stories were only in our memories, your living room, your smile, was still my favorite home.
In these weeks I have had time to relive every time I disappointed you, time to relive every time I may have hurt you, I can only hope I made up for those times. I have had time to wonder if we told you we loved you and appreciated you often enough, if I told you how much you really taught us, how much of who I am would not be, if not for you.
When I went to see you that last night, I had driven home with all of these things I felt a burning need to tell you, but when I was finally in that room, all I could think to tell you was that I loved you and it was ok for you to go.
I thought that I knew grief when Poppy went, but I didn't, because as long as I had you, I still had part of Poppy too.
It comes in waves, I can be ok for moments, and then it will hit me, again. A chapter of my life, your life, our time together, is over, forever. You won't be in that chair with a smile for me, you won't insist I eat before I leave, you won't tell me how much Noah looks like my dad again, you won't ask where my mother is, or who made me boss, again.
In all of our years together, I only saw you cry the day that Poppy died, so I can only imagine how you'd shush us and tell us to stop carrying on, so I'll do my best not to cry too much, and drink a highball in your honor while I bake the best cookies the world has ever known.
I hope, wherever you are, you can see how much we miss you and know the impact you had in all of our lives. The hole you left will never be filled, but we will do our best to make you proud.
Rest well, balmy, you deserve it.