I nursed, co-slept (out of sheer necessity), fed him jarred baby food, licked his paci before sticking it back in his mouth, bottle fed, used formula too, gave him happy meals, failed to see the need to freak out when he ate dirt, I didn't baby wear because I didn't even know about it back then, he goes to public school, and organic is expensive...so yeah.
Why am I telling you all of this? Because before I continue I want you to know that I am not a perfect parent, I am not the mom sitting in the playground nursing her second grader while wearing her ten year old and snacking on organic crackers and vegan cheese after driving there with her two still rear facing seats. I am just a mom, doing her best, and I honestly thought, until a few weeks ago, if you loved your kiddo and you did your best, you couldn't fail, then someone relayed to me a story that left me speechless (yeah, me, I had NOTHING to say, wait till you hear it).
Picture it, speaking with a "friend" and this person turns to me and says, "I have to tell you this story, you're going to hate it but its so funny"---because lets be honest, if it starts like that, its obviously going to be...uh...great?
"so I was with my daughter," this person continues, "and we saw a black family at this event and our friends spoke to them and she looks at me and says, we don't have to go over there its ok, we don't talk to them kinds of people"
Ladies and gentleman, she is NINE. NINE FUCKING YEARS OLD, and somewhere along the way she has picked up this idea that another human being's skin color sets them apart into a group of people you "don't talk to". NINE years old and she has been taught that the pigment in someone's skin is an indication of what kind of human lies inside. They don't make words in the English language to express my horror as I sat there in complete silence trying to wrap my brain around the idea that in 2015 this could be "funny" to a parent. I would lose my MIND if my child said that, he wouldn't because he wasn't taught ignorance, but if he some how picked that up at school and found it funny, as children sometimes do, we would be having the longest history lesson and conversation of our LIVES while I cried on the inside and wondered where I had gone wrong. Luckily, I seem to have done this one thing right, my child is so far from prejudice he sometimes reminds ME to look deeper than the obvious in another person.
And suddenly, sitting my silent shock, I realized, you CAN be a shitty parent, even if you are providing the basics, you CAN love your child (and I truly believe this parent loves this child, in his own misguided way) and still be a terrible parent. You can provide, try, and love and still fail your child and cripple them for life. If bring them up in ignorance, whether it is racism, sexism, homophobia, whatever, they will spend the rest of their lives trying to relearn that or they will spend the rest of their lives in ignorance and stupidity damaging those around them with their hate, and it will be YOUR fault.
The next time you think racism is dead, come back and read this, remind yourself that if you're parenting its your job to help eliminate the racism that some assholes are still teaching. Don't be a shitty parent....be the part of reason that my child and his children will be able to say, racism is truly dead.
Sunday, October 18, 2015
Friday, October 16, 2015
The great porn debate....
I follow several women's groups online, and in these groups, inevitably the topic of men and porn comes up.
Now, let me just say, any behavior that begins to effect your ability to function and connect with other people is BAD, that includes, WoW, crack, food, porn or whatever your addiction is, so OBVIOUSLY this is not about those people, I say this so you can spare me your, "my husband stopped fucking me and started only wanking it to porn" story, this isn't for you, K?
Now, back to porn and jerking off, I am going to assume you don't want to drop what you're doing every time your better half gets a tingle in their down under, right? Yeah? Now, assuming you are not into cock cages and chastity belts (but hey, if you are, more power to you, you do you!) why do you care if your partner is touching themselves? Do you enjoy walking about being the orgasm police? Are you so insecure that every orgasm he has without you is a threat to your relationship? Because you can't sit here and tell me that is healthy.
Its not jerking you say! He is looking at someone else! I should be the only person he is sexually attracted to! How DARE he get turned on by another human body besides my own! Allow me to be a (bigger) asshole for a moment, get the fuck over yourself. Your partner is committed, not dead. I assume you still notice, movie stars, musicians, random people on the street, that cutie who was pumping gas, walking down the street or walked by you in the mall, right? If you don't YOU are the weird one, not your partner. What goes on in someone's head, is truly their own private place, especially in terms of sexual fantasy and love and commitment does NOT entitle you to domain over their thoughts.
AH! But porn is unrealistic! No one looks like that! Women don't really moan/scream/bend/squirt/talk/fuck like that. Well, you are of course, correct, most of us do not. But, sadly, I have had to come to terms with the fact that there are no brad pit look alike immortal vampires living in New Orleans, stalking the cemetery late at night drinking rat blood, and richard gere will NOT rescue me if I go sell myself in the streets of LA. Why? Because I can differentiate between reality and fantasy. Give your partner a little credit, I am sure he knows you can't niagra falls his face on cue....and if he thinks you can, get a new goddamn partner.
Lastly, I understand female exploitation occurs within the porn industry, male exploitation also occurs. However, there are plenty of adults choosing to work in porn, plenty of amateurs voluntarily uploading their own videos, and plenty of legit porn you can watch, so can that argument too, I am not advocating for endorsing teen, child, or abusive porn. But if consenting adults want to fuck on film, especially for money, more power to them.
At the end of all these conversations what I see, are a bunch of ladies with unreal expectations for their men, most of the time, they haven't discussed them with them, or they changed the rules after a commitment was made. I am all for letting your crazy fly before the commitment is made, sex and sexuality are things you need to be in-sync with, in my opinion and if he loves his redtube, and you think its cheating...you're setting yourself up for issues.
Now, stop being mad, and go watch some porn or read some fifty shades and flick the bean....I promise, he won't be mad ;)
Now, let me just say, any behavior that begins to effect your ability to function and connect with other people is BAD, that includes, WoW, crack, food, porn or whatever your addiction is, so OBVIOUSLY this is not about those people, I say this so you can spare me your, "my husband stopped fucking me and started only wanking it to porn" story, this isn't for you, K?
Now, back to porn and jerking off, I am going to assume you don't want to drop what you're doing every time your better half gets a tingle in their down under, right? Yeah? Now, assuming you are not into cock cages and chastity belts (but hey, if you are, more power to you, you do you!) why do you care if your partner is touching themselves? Do you enjoy walking about being the orgasm police? Are you so insecure that every orgasm he has without you is a threat to your relationship? Because you can't sit here and tell me that is healthy.
Its not jerking you say! He is looking at someone else! I should be the only person he is sexually attracted to! How DARE he get turned on by another human body besides my own! Allow me to be a (bigger) asshole for a moment, get the fuck over yourself. Your partner is committed, not dead. I assume you still notice, movie stars, musicians, random people on the street, that cutie who was pumping gas, walking down the street or walked by you in the mall, right? If you don't YOU are the weird one, not your partner. What goes on in someone's head, is truly their own private place, especially in terms of sexual fantasy and love and commitment does NOT entitle you to domain over their thoughts.
AH! But porn is unrealistic! No one looks like that! Women don't really moan/scream/bend/squirt/talk/fuck like that. Well, you are of course, correct, most of us do not. But, sadly, I have had to come to terms with the fact that there are no brad pit look alike immortal vampires living in New Orleans, stalking the cemetery late at night drinking rat blood, and richard gere will NOT rescue me if I go sell myself in the streets of LA. Why? Because I can differentiate between reality and fantasy. Give your partner a little credit, I am sure he knows you can't niagra falls his face on cue....and if he thinks you can, get a new goddamn partner.
Lastly, I understand female exploitation occurs within the porn industry, male exploitation also occurs. However, there are plenty of adults choosing to work in porn, plenty of amateurs voluntarily uploading their own videos, and plenty of legit porn you can watch, so can that argument too, I am not advocating for endorsing teen, child, or abusive porn. But if consenting adults want to fuck on film, especially for money, more power to them.
At the end of all these conversations what I see, are a bunch of ladies with unreal expectations for their men, most of the time, they haven't discussed them with them, or they changed the rules after a commitment was made. I am all for letting your crazy fly before the commitment is made, sex and sexuality are things you need to be in-sync with, in my opinion and if he loves his redtube, and you think its cheating...you're setting yourself up for issues.
Now, stop being mad, and go watch some porn or read some fifty shades and flick the bean....I promise, he won't be mad ;)
Monday, October 5, 2015
broken, you're all broken
My mother is a saint. Seriously. A saint. She has two wild child daughters with a love of vodka and make up who probably confuse her at every turn. But she takes her vow to always be open to talk to us about ANYTHING very seriously. Getting sappy for a minute, my mom is my best friend. She is also my favorite person to shock (no I have not grown out of that)
On my nights off I like to go over and sit in her room and talk to her, last night, I had all kinds of news for her. I had just finished talking to my cousin T, about a weird as fuck dude who was all about her. Turns out, weird as fuck dude, was all about ME about a year ago and sent me, the ONLY unsolicited dick pic, I have ever received, to date. It went well for him, I only laughed and showed it to an online group of 4000 women, and a dozen or so of my friends, before eventually sending it to my cousin, so she could send it to him. (judge me if you must, but unless I asked to see your dick, I will put that shit on blast, if I asked, I will hold it sacredly in my phone forever and only for my own personal use, that is my moral code, deal with it).
Here is were it got good:
"HE SENT YOU A PICTURE OF HIS PENIS?"
uh yes.
*at this point my father pops in and says, "are you telling her about randy?"
yes.
"YOU KNEW THIS?"
yeah, sure she hung him out to dry, it was a pretty big joke for a while. He's a loser, even I made fun of him.
She sits quietly for a moment and then looks at me, and says: I want to see it.
After collecting my eyeballs and jaw from the floor, I hand her the phone and she says: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? THAT IS ONE SKINNY PENIS AND HE IS WEARING A COWBOY HAT? Why is he leaning forward like that? it looks like he is trying to hold in a poop while he takes pictures of his dick? What is WRONG with him? Why would he ever think a woman would want to see this? Instead of taking a girl to dinner he sends you a naked picture of himself looking like he has diarrhea. Your generation is broken. BROKEN.
I left while she was asking my father if he knew "dick pics" were a "thing".
On my nights off I like to go over and sit in her room and talk to her, last night, I had all kinds of news for her. I had just finished talking to my cousin T, about a weird as fuck dude who was all about her. Turns out, weird as fuck dude, was all about ME about a year ago and sent me, the ONLY unsolicited dick pic, I have ever received, to date. It went well for him, I only laughed and showed it to an online group of 4000 women, and a dozen or so of my friends, before eventually sending it to my cousin, so she could send it to him. (judge me if you must, but unless I asked to see your dick, I will put that shit on blast, if I asked, I will hold it sacredly in my phone forever and only for my own personal use, that is my moral code, deal with it).
Here is were it got good:
"HE SENT YOU A PICTURE OF HIS PENIS?"
uh yes.
*at this point my father pops in and says, "are you telling her about randy?"
yes.
"YOU KNEW THIS?"
yeah, sure she hung him out to dry, it was a pretty big joke for a while. He's a loser, even I made fun of him.
She sits quietly for a moment and then looks at me, and says: I want to see it.
After collecting my eyeballs and jaw from the floor, I hand her the phone and she says: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? THAT IS ONE SKINNY PENIS AND HE IS WEARING A COWBOY HAT? Why is he leaning forward like that? it looks like he is trying to hold in a poop while he takes pictures of his dick? What is WRONG with him? Why would he ever think a woman would want to see this? Instead of taking a girl to dinner he sends you a naked picture of himself looking like he has diarrhea. Your generation is broken. BROKEN.
I left while she was asking my father if he knew "dick pics" were a "thing".
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